Upgoat - "what's upgoat?"

Mikhaila Peterson was hooking up with demon-possesed, samurai sword wielding russian guy, called Andrey Korikov. Since Mikhaila stopped taking pill and kept having sex....she got knocked up after few months of dating. These two married when Mikhaila was 9 month pregnant due to intense pressure from her family. In her podcast, she declared she never wanted any of this to happen, but at the time felt she has no other choice (she couldn't bring herself to abort it, and being a single mother was unacceptable in Jordan Peterson's household). Funny thing, Andrey russian family hated her with passion and was strongly oppose them getting married.

Once married, couple moved to a penthause in downtown Toronto that Jordan has purchased for Mikhaila. During this time Mikhaila was managing Jordan's calendar and was his only point of contact with external world, as she said it "no-one could reach my father without passing through me". She declared herself to be a CEO of his company and also pretended to be him when running his twitter, instagram and other social media channels while he was drifting away from reality into a benzo haze.

After few months of marriage, Mikhaila kicked her husband out of the house. Since Andrey is also on Jordan's payroll, he would visit his ex wife evey day and do the work for her, while also begging to take him back. Meanwhile Mikhaila declared on social media that she and her husband has negotiated separation. While flooding the instagram feed with series of selfies in her underwear, with crawling toddler in the background. It seems that it's the instagram where she met Andrew Tate, who helped her to prepare and sell her subscription program called "Lion's Lair" - for only 600 dollars per year you could get access to Mikhaila and receive daily advises on how to eat nothing but beef, what a treat. Mikhaila was clearly impressed by him, becasue she left her baby and ex husband in order to hook up with Tate in Romania. She was already planning on moving to Romania and shared those plans via her social media. Apperently it didnt work out between them, because she came back to Canada, declaring that she and Tate are not a couple but he is a good man.

After full year of simping, Mikhaila's separated husband, Andrey, decided to give her what she wanted. He agreed to find a hospital in Moscow that will put Jordan Peterson in medically induced coma. At this point Mikhaila had made few hundred calls trying to arrange coma-on-demand for her dad but was told off by all medical facilities in the West. Her husband was usefull again so Mikhaila took him back, packed her kid and barely conscious father and headed to Russia. For a year and half, four of them was traveling between Russia, Florida and Serbia. It's in Serbia where Mikhaila went partyng laughing off the covid scare, contracted covid, passed it to her dad which almost killed him, and then blamed it on her toddler ("my child must have caught the covid on the playground and passed it to the rest of the family").

After traveling, partying and experimenting with drugs (Mikhaila is advertising thai drug called Kratom and fed her father with it while he was recovering) the family moved back to Canada. Mikhaila left her brain-damaged and still taking benzos dad with her mother, Tammy, to be his care giver for life. She herself moved back to her penthouse with husband and child and started her career of a podcaster. It seems she was also pregant with her second child and gave birth this summer, but unlike with the first born, she is hiding the toddler from her social media and pretending it doesnt exist.

Lockdown was imposed on Canada due to another wave of covid. Staying locked in appartment with her husband and children made Mikhaila suffer greatly, so she packed them up and went partying again, first to Saudi Arabia, then Croatia and finally to Russia. In Moscow she has caught covid again (this time Delta variant). She went back to Canada, not sure whether she has passed it again to her dad or not.

While still marrried to husband number 1, Mikhaila met husband number 2 and got engaged after one week of knowing him. It took her few months to get a divorce and plan for bombastic, instagram friendly wedding. Jordan Fuller is her labrador looking Christian Husband™ nr 2, with affinity to Petersons payroll and career opportunities and wandering eye for his beefy hunky gym bros. Since giving TED talk Mikhaila believes her career is finally taking off and she can become proper influencer. She is trying to monetize it by seeling hungover healing pills. She is also finishing writing her autobiography. Her dad is still struggling with his addiction to bezno/ twitter/ ragebait. He has been diagnosed with sschizophrenia by few different psychiatrists, but believes that denying the illness will make the symptoms go away. All of Petersons family is working on launching Peterson Academy which is going to teach you how to live a good life in accordance to christian, family values. What do you think will be the next twist of this crazy saga?

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