It was a quiet afternoon in Islamabad when Pakistani Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif’s phone rang. The caller ID read: “INTERNATIONAL WATER COMMISSION”—which was odd, since the Commission usually just sent threatening emails and passive-aggressive faxes.
Sharif: “Hello?”
On the other end, a very confident voice boomed:
Caller: “Yes, hello, Mr. Sharif! This is... Narinder from the... uh... Indian Aquatic Retention Bureau. Yes. That’s a thing.”
Sharif (suspicious): “Modi, is that you?”
Caller: “WHAT? No! No no, this is definitely not Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi using a burner phone. That would be unethical. I’m just a humble government water technician who happens to sound exactly like him.”
Sharif sighed. “What do you want?”
Modi—er, Narinder—launched into his script:
“We’ve detected unauthorized hydrological access from your region. That means you're using water, sir. A lot of water. And unfortunately, there's now a pending charge of $3,579.24 on your Indus River subscription. Failure to pay may result in irreversible dry mouth and possible drought.”
Sharif: “You’re trying to charge us for a river that originates in Tibet?!”
Modi: “Sir, water is a premium service now. Everything is a subscription. Even sovereignty. But don’t worry—we’re running a limited-time Water Amnesty Program™. We can cancel the fee if you just verify your credit card details. Right now. On this unencrypted line. For security.”
Sharif: “This is a scam.”
Modi: “No, this is diplomacy, but more streamlined. Like Amazon, but for treaties.”
Sharif, still holding the phone, waved over his finance minister. “Is this real?”
The minister shrugged. “I don’t know, sir, but we did just get charged $11.99 for breathing last week.”
Back on the call, Modi was trying increasingly desperate social engineering tricks.
Fear: “If you don’t act now, we’ll have to forward this to our collections agency—aka the Brahmaputra.”
Scarcity: “Only the first three Prime Ministers get the early bird discount!”
Sympathy: “I, too, once forgot to pay my water bill and had to shower in metaphor.”
Sharif finally hung up after Modi asked for his CVV “just to confirm he's a real leader.”
Later that evening, India’s Finance Ministry quietly added a new budget line: “Cyber-Hydro Psychological Ops: $3,579.24 – Pending.”
And across America, when asked whether they’d support joining the war, a poll revealed that 83% of Americans believed “Indus” was either a crypto coin or a yoga pose.
