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I don’t even feed deer anymore. I was always hooking them up with corn cobs. The girls were so chill they would lay under shade trees while I mowed around them. The fellas would stamp their hooves and point their horns at me. Nigger, I just gave you a corn cob 5 minutes ago, what do I have to do? Then one went after my dog and the gravy train ended.

Now I feed birds and squirrels and keep a paint ball gun on the back porch for the bucks. I see hot pink painted bucks all over the place, miles from my home. One of my backyard veterans.