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The Crow (2024) Reboot is Fucking Awful

submitted by CHIRO to movies 7 monthsSep 16, 2024 00:11:32 ago (+20/-0)     (movies)

Like most of the new shit, you don't talk about the movie. You might discuss a couple of scenes that were notable. There were a couple in this where the cinematography/choreography were pretty cool, e.g., the scene where Eric storms the opera, but the negatives far outweigh the positives. Off the top of my head:

Shelly's character (the main female) is played by a mystery meat blackish chick who looks legitimately retarded. Between the buck teeth, droopy eyes, and lips that look like a cleft-repair, it was honestly hard to look at her. By half-way through the film, you get used to her, but during the first half, I found myself actually yelling out loud: "Are you fucking serious?" Only in the third decade of the 2000s would this woman ever dream of being cast as a lead. A dog wouldn't piss on this girl if she was painted red.

Eric's character (played by Bill Skarsgard) has this really annoying aesthetic. It's like Elton John meets a frat boy. He is extremely effeminate. It is barely believable when he begins kicking ass, even after he was given some deal by God to become a badass in exchange for his soul going to hell (yes, this is really an aspect of the plot).

The original Crow had a really great noir/gothic thing going on that they completely fail to capture in this one.

In the original, Eric was the lead singer and guitarist for a rock band. His wife was a gorgeous white girl whose own personal story played barely any role in the plot. It was enough to see the way Eric (played by Brandon Lee) acted to learn everything we needed to know about her. In this one, the blackish retard girl has a much bigger role (of course).

The Eric in the new one is a psychiatric patient who busts out of the asylum because he falls in love with the blackish retard.

In the original, the writers knew what not to show. We don't know exactly what is going on "behind the scenes" of the world; you don't see much that is supernatural other than Eric's invincibility. The new one starts right out with a fucking demon-possessed elite guy, who we find out made some deal with the devil in exchange for sending innocent souls to hell, to live indefinitely. It's over-the-top from the get-go. Not only that, but when Eric dies, you see him enter this weird industrial limbo where a nigger playing the Virgil-like role of a guide is there to deliver God's messages. The original film contained nothing about heaven or hell.

Overall, Eric seems like a helpless sack of an emo faggot who would just as soon get ass raped to save his nigger-retard girl if not for God giving him powers like dad assigning house chores.

Fuck Hollywood.


29 comments block

Interesting that they decided to just flat out remake Eric’s and Shelly’s story rather than just make a new crow film.

There are already sequels to the original that take place around completely different people becoming “the crow”.