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A soldier comes home on leave and tells his wife about his parachute training.

“It was terrible,” he says. “I was in the plane and ready to jump, when I froze. I couldn’t move. The Sargent came up behind me, pulled out this enormous dick of his and said he’d stick it up my ass if I didn’t jump.”

“Oh my God,” says his wife. “So did you jump?”

“Well, yes,” says the soldier. “A little bit -- at first.”