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I wrote this short science fiction story, what do you think?

submitted by PeBeFri to whatever 2.9 yearsJun 15, 2022 22:55:44 ago (+6/-0)     (medium.com)

https://medium.com/@uawatts/as-the-founding-fathers-intended-97f62ee7ea5



11 comments block

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[ - ] deleted 2 points 2.9 yearsJun 16, 2022 00:38:26 ago (+2/-0)

deleted

[ - ] PeBeFri [op] 0 points 2.9 yearsJun 18, 2022 22:28:52 ago (+0/-0)

Thanks, please do.

[ - ] lord_nougat 1 point 2.9 yearsJun 16, 2022 00:35:14 ago (+1/-0)

I like it.

It seems like the first chapter in a much more sprawling novel.

I just think you should have used "behind" in place of "beyond" when it came to doors, but I'm not the boss of you, presumably. Unless you are subserviant to lords.

[ - ] PeBeFri [op] 0 points 2.9 yearsJun 18, 2022 22:28:45 ago (+0/-0)

Thanks.

[ - ] ItsOk2bArian 1 point 2.9 yearsJun 17, 2022 07:08:29 ago (+1/-0)

You can definitely write. Very Charles Dickens in style as far as detailed story writing, but overall content is missing. This particular piece feels like I opened a book to the middle of the most boring part of the story. The War of the Exclaves has my interest, maybe try writing that story next. Good luck in your future endeavors. I look forward to reading more from you

[ - ] PeBeFri [op] 0 points 2.9 yearsJun 18, 2022 22:29:19 ago (+0/-0)

Thank you very much for your constructive criticism. As I've replied to someone else regarding this story, I remember being taught once that a novel has a beginning, middle, and end, but a short story just has a "middle," some explanation of a state of affairs that would provoke thought. (If you would prefer a story with a beginning, middle, and end, there's always this.)

[ - ] ItsOk2bArian 0 points 2.9 yearsJun 20, 2022 04:09:31 ago (+0/-0)

I may only have gone as far as high school Language Art Honors, but a book written for fifth graders feels a wee bit condescending. Thanks for the referral anyhow, I'll pick up a copy of Realia for my sons and get back to Solzhenitsyn

[ - ] PeBeFri [op] 0 points 2.9 yearsJun 20, 2022 12:33:32 ago (+0/-0)

Didn't mean to condescend! That's just the only beginning-to-end story I have published thus far, is all... and besides, it's one of those kid's books that would appeal to a broader readership than kids (or at least I'd like to think so). Thank you for your support.

[ - ] ItsOk2bArian 0 points 2.9 yearsJun 20, 2022 12:59:17 ago (+0/-0)

No stress, like I mentioned before, I do like your writing style. Keep posting and never let a Goat get you down. This group has been conditioned to rip apart everything anyone presents. The ol' Voat immune system can be a bit like an auto-immune disease some times. We eat our own when there isn't enough other pathogens to consume. Critics are just opinionated assholes that get off on judging actual artists

[ - ] ItsOk2bArian 0 points 2.9 yearsJun 20, 2022 15:06:46 ago (+0/-0)

No stress, like I mentioned before, I do like your writing style. Keep posting and never let a Goat get you down. This group has been conditioned to rip apart everything anyone presents. The ol' Voat immune system can be a bit like an auto-immune disease some times. We eat our own when there isn't enough other pathogens to consume. Critics are just opinionated assholes that get off on judging actual artists

[ - ] i_hate_sodomites 0 points 2.9 yearsJun 16, 2022 08:26:09 ago (+0/-0)

Boring, slow, uneventful. Sorry dude, but I was rooting for you dying from the brain tumor before I had to read any more of this schlock.....

[ - ] PeBeFri [op] 0 points 2.9 yearsJun 18, 2022 22:29:02 ago (+0/-0)

Thank you for your input, @i_hate_sodomites.