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My worst fears have come true.

submitted by MaryXmas to Fatherhood 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 22:02:31 ago (+28/-0)     (Fatherhood)

My 3 year old has informed me that he now identifies as a spider. He now walks everywhere with a bizarre spider walk. It has been going on all evening. I am in shock. He looked at me with a straight face and said, "I'm a spider!". 3 weeks ago he was a robot, a crab and a monster before that.
Anyone know how to raise a spider? Do they only eat flies or will they also eat pet store bugs like crickets and mealworms? Do they need a little bowl of water or do they just suck the liquids from their prey. Please help!


35 comments block

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[ - ] NoSalvation 0 points 7 monthsOct 23, 2024 03:40:01 ago (+0/-0)

No you don't give him insects when hes a Camel Spider

[ - ] Panic 0 points 7 monthsOct 23, 2024 15:07:35 ago (+0/-0)

[ - ] bobdole9 0 points 7 monthsOct 23, 2024 15:31:52 ago (+0/-0)

Mine likes to be a frog...ribbits and hops.

[ - ] dirtywhiteboy 1 point 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 22:04:58 ago (+1/-0)

spiders drink blood

[ - ] TheOriginal1Icemonkey 1 point 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 23:31:51 ago (+1/-0)

Fucking awesome!🤣👍

[ - ] Althea 1 point 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 23:42:02 ago (+1/-0)

My son likes being a dog. I have to scratch his head and back. Last week he licked my arm. I've decided not to neuter him.

[ - ] KeepPoal4fags 1 point 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 23:51:43 ago (+1/-0)

I think voat churned out some excellent mums!

[ - ] Nosferatjew 1 point 7 monthsOct 23, 2024 00:21:45 ago (+1/-0)

You can order live fly larvae online. Helps me get my spider through these cold winters.

[ - ] BulletStopper 1 point 7 monthsOct 23, 2024 11:10:05 ago (+1/-0)*

Simple. Have your wife unleash the power of, "La Chancla!"

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=La%20chancla

https://hispanicexecutive.com/hisplaining-the-power-of-la-chancla-as-a-feature-of-latino-culture/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSicdnahJ7o

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/hL4Nm5zbmMg

And the power of "La Chancla" is known to not be confined solely to hispanic culture:

https://www.instagram.com/anwar/reel/Cbxzw48pk7l/

It's only a matter of time before archeologists find stone carvings of mothers at Göbekli Tepe using their version of La Chancla to provide instruction to their kids.

[ - ] MaryXmas [op] 1 point 7 monthsOct 23, 2024 14:18:17 ago (+1/-0)

Indian cultures use the flip flop too.

[ - ] VitaminSieg 1 point 7 monthsOct 23, 2024 11:51:21 ago (+1/-0)

At least he's not a nigger

[ - ] Puller_of_Noses 1 point 7 monthsOct 23, 2024 12:08:13 ago (+1/-0)

When the homos hear about this they'll want to add an "A" onto that string of LBGT shit for arachno.

[ - ] PotatoWhisperer2 1 point 7 monthsOct 23, 2024 12:47:00 ago (+1/-0)

Could be a good time to teach/show him about spiders. Jumping spiders are cool little guys. There even might be a terrarium or something at the local zoo or pet shop or whatever.

[ - ] puremadness 2 points 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 23:28:41 ago (+2/-0)

Just pat him on the head.
He's fine.

DO NOT SEND TO ELECTIVE SPIDER SURGERY.

[ - ] iSnark 4 points 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 22:10:13 ago (+4/-0)

Tell the little one that spiders don't get to eat candy & sweets or go Trick or Treating...

[ - ] MaryXmas [op] 3 points 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 23:08:50 ago (+3/-0)

The candy goes to the garbage and we don't let him eat more than a piece or 2. Chocolate is preferred over corn syrup diabetes chews.

[ - ] iSnark 4 points 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 23:12:11 ago (+4/-0)

You're doing it right!

[ - ] MaryXmas [op] 1 point 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 23:14:20 ago (+1/-0)

Thanks pal. Sometimes it feels like it, but mostly it feels like I am just hanging on.

[ - ] iSnark 1 point 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 23:37:12 ago (+1/-0)

Yep, It was a struggle for me too! Way too many influences in this world that intrude on your right as a parent to raise your Children properly. Continue to be an awesome Father, show love to your children in a Masculine way, don't miss opportunities to have your child(ren) nearby when you are working on something. Let them see you as being skille and talented, and they, hopefully will want to emulate you! I was lucky to have worked on wood-working projects with mine when they got older. And that's how we bonded. He still has a really cool gumball machine, wooden Tic Tac Toe game, and wooden race car we made together.


Take a gander through here, start planning some projects to bond over later on when he gets older! Trust me when I tell you, the time goes fast... https://www.instructables.com/

[ - ] Spaceman84 4 points 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 23:45:38 ago (+4/-0)

Make him climb the water spout. When he can't tell him he will never be a real spider.

[ - ] i_scream_trucks 4 points 7 monthsOct 23, 2024 01:20:35 ago (+4/-0)*

After the fourth "AAAAH! SPIDER!" and thong across the back of the head he won't want do identify as anything but dads little angel for a while.

"AAAH! ATTACK HEICOPTER" pulls out the biggest ass toy MANPADS he can find. Gives little Timmy wartime ptsd and a thousand yards stare at 3 years old. THANKS DAD.

Oh and by thong I do mean 'flip flop' or 'jandal' for those 'beached ez bros'

[ - ] Sector2 5 points 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 22:40:00 ago (+5/-0)

Offer him a bowl of flies at dinnertime to see how serious he is about transspiderdom.

[ - ] MaryXmas [op] 4 points 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 23:10:12 ago (+4/-0)

Seems very serious. Keeps talking about getting "washed out" whatever that means.

[ - ] Her0n 2 points 7 monthsOct 23, 2024 05:21:07 ago (+2/-0)

Probably something to do with drugs!

[ - ] Sector2 1 point 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 23:10:53 ago (+1/-0)

Haha

[ - ] boekanier 1 point 7 monthsOct 23, 2024 01:31:08 ago (+1/-0)

best advise

[ - ] HelenHighwater 8 points 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 22:10:06 ago (+8/-0)

The only current option is an Arachnaplasy. It's fine. They block human puberty hormones and infuse with Arachnitone hormone. You can expect cute little wiggly tentacles as early as three weeks. And trust us, it is completely safe and reversable.

[ - ] AugustineOfHippo2 4 points 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 22:20:04 ago (+4/-0)

But make sure the brat is up to date on the arachnacovid shots. Totally safe and effective.

[ - ] HelenHighwater 0 points 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 23:01:25 ago (+0/-0)

pshwa! of course!!

[ - ] x0x7 0 points 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 22:42:28 ago (+0/-0)

Spiders don't have tentacles.

[ - ] HelenHighwater 1 point 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 22:58:18 ago (+1/-0)

why do you have to wreck it? I had total plausible deniability.

[ - ] Drstrangestgov 1 point 7 monthsOct 23, 2024 06:42:01 ago (+1/-0)

Biggit!

[ - ] dulcima 18 points 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 22:25:25 ago (+18/-0)

Time to make a TikTok video to tell the world about your Journey as a brave parent to a transpider.

[ - ] PeckerwoodPerry 8 points 7 monthsOct 22, 2024 22:55:53 ago (+8/-0)

Can't pass up that sweet, sweet Internet clout. This'll one up those fuckin normie trannys for sure.