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Jesus was a 9th level spellcaster who came over from the Dark Sun D&D universe with the rest of his tribe. He cast a powerful enchantment ritual that caused people to worship him so his tribe could siphon the mana and life energy from our people to heal their world while destroying ours. That's why they tricked the Paganatsocs into worshiping the black sun, because it represents their world so even our power is getting stolen by them (obv the christians, muslims, commies, libertarians, etc. are getting robbed too).

Don't underestimate the tribe. We're gonna need a high level party of adventurers to take them on, maybe we can find some half nigger barbarians and bribe them with gibs to attack the monsters first before we go in? Make them waste their spells on the cannon fodder so they don't mind control us. But I need a few more levels of wizard before I'm ready for the boss fight.