Sign into an existing account

That’s pretty sad. What’s the word for the feeling of whatever you might be missing out on? Movies and television and commercials turn people into self hating cunts that bring those problems to themselves and their family. Hopefully you are aware and won’t repeat the cycle.

I'm guessing that many of us here have similar tragic backstories. Happy well adjusted kids become normies. Survivors become goats.

Hmm, sounds like one of my late grandparents.

Unless you're lying, there's something wrong with your mother in law. You're father being an absent enabler and your mother being an alcoholic druggy can never be "excused". Likewise, your mother was projecting about your worth. Everything she said to you about being worthless is what she felt about herself. I grew up with two narcs so I can say this in confidence.

Keep following that train of thought, and you'll become your father. Maybe less absent, but a complete pushover and enabler.
A shovel has utility but nobody promises their entire life to a shovel. Clearly the people you have around you now care about you for more than your "utility"

Edit: I forgot to mention that cutting your mother out of your life was the correct call, and is how you deal ith narcs.

You are a winner, not a loser. You survived and learned how to survive.
That, along with integrity and honesty, makes you one of the invincible elite.

I had a similar childhood, but my current life is quite good. Living well is the best revenge. Mom now has dementia, I am totally healthy.

Apologies for my other comment. I used to do a type of consulting, and it was frustrating af when they'd just do the wrong thing anyway.

To be fair, you've received advice that's all over the map, so it's not like you have a clear road map to unfuck yourself. You're obviously not doing it on your own, so here's mine:

Some type of 'counseling', not the stuff that everyone criticizes as bullshit, but a type of "mental/software repair" that changes your self-perception of a person who is worth less, and deserving of ill treatment.

You currently have incorrect beliefs about yourself.
It will be worth your time and effort to correct them.

The hard part is going to be finding a 'the rapist' who, A. has skill and competency, B. uses a modality that works, and C. can establish and maintain a high level of rapport with you. You'll need all three, so prepare to move on until you find that person.

Hypnosis.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Neuro Linguistic Programming

Any or a combination of those 'can' effect your desired changes when you have the above (ABC) criteria.

To avoid sabotage by parties involved, https://files.catbox.moe/45iqyg.jpg