I regressed on all the progress I've made in 8 months.
In my last thread I said that I didn't know why this was happening, and that was true, for about 20 minutes after I wrote it. I was text chatting with someone last week and we had made plans to do something online but they no-showed and no-messaged ghosted. I was actually hoping they would ghost me so I didn't have to do anything. Turns out that wasn't good. I have completely regressed in every physical desire to have a normal life. I know I want a normal life mentally but I've lost every single desire to try after that. It's been 8 days and I still can't bring myself to check my messages. I don't know what would be worse seeing I have a message from them or not seeing a message from them.
I've been no-show no-message ghosted by every friend I still have at this point and even my brother. Personally I would never do this to someone. Thats fucked up. I have no trust for anyone.
I've been completely socially isolated my entire life. My parents wouldn't even talk to me. My mother hugged me once in my life when I was 19. I've never had any sort of affection from anyone. I don't remember ever even touching anyone for any reason except maybe once every 7 years when someone wants a meaningless handshake for a reason I couldn't explain. The only social activity I can muster is to anonymously post on a forum and cringe-read the replies 24-48 hours later -- sometimes. Other times I just can't read them.
I'm an alien. I'm an entity in a human suit. I'm a lobotomized zombie. I live entirely inside my own imagination. At this point I don't even care to escape anymore.
Considering going back to video games which I haven't played in 3 months.
Freud dug around in people's childhoods with revenge in mind. The word "forgive" means you owe me in hebrew.
Now we've got a mass of fucked up people who are nailed to their own pasts and drag their childhoods around in their heads like prison boxes they live in.
If a good childhood is what you need to be happy and not a serial killer full of resentment, then everyone in history was a serial killer.
You can't tell someone their religious believing is wrong because they don't and won't ever believe you. You have to raise their kids to believe it's wrong.
If all the world tells you that your childhood is irrelevant, you don't and won't believe it. You need something to put your believing in instead to take the place.
Christians call Jesus their God and their Father. They honour their parents, which doesn't mean they worship or agree with them. It just means they don't pick over their mistakes. They did what they were capable of doing. All they really have to do is try to keep you alive until you are an adult. Forgiving them for being less than you want them to have been is where you start as reborn. Starting new as an autonomous and free individual, free to make whichever decision are best for you on this day and every day.
All you need to get that better parent is to read one book of the Holy Gospel. Matther, Mark, Luke or John. You accept it, or reject it. It's completely up to you.
Don't expect others to care, because most don't even understand our situation. Don't be angry at them for it ether, they're just normies after all. I don't think there is a way to fix this issue so focus on things like becoming self sufficient, your security and stability in life, because if you don't have those things, life has a potential to become even worse. Try to not dwell on the fucked up past, it can't be changed and it's just not productive. Adopt easier attitude towards your problem. Don't idealize having friends and women. It's ok to play games sometimes and engage in other types of hobbies, hobbies are a great way to unwind. Stay away from substances!
I was actually hoping they would ghost me so I didn't have to do anything I know I want a normal life mentally but I've lost every single desire to try I live entirely inside my own imagination
Link to your last thread, I missed it and this seems interesting.
Anyways, you try something new which is stressful, whether it works out or not, the end result is largely the same. You take a couple days to decompress and catch your breath, and then you do it again. Sure it working out makes things easier, but everyone I've known like you still takes a couple days to catch their breath after they do something like you were trying to do.
You do this over a long enough period of time, and it gets easier and easier. Think of it like exercise, every time you do this, you're going for a run. The first few times it sucks, you can't get very far, and you feel like shit. After a while however it gets better, you can go further, you don't get as exhausted when you do stop, and you feel better about yourself and your situation which enables you to do more.
You'll never like being around large volumes of people, and since your are here, you'll never like being around those that aren't your kin. However, you'll be able to handle it, and able to actually pursue your goals.
Take baby steps, once you get comfortable talking to people on here, try "meeting" people on your terms. Look into clubs and groups that you're interested in, who have dirt cheap membership, and operate on volunteer work to get things done, so nothing will be expected of you. That way if you want to take a break you can and no one will be upset as they weren't expecting anything from you.
[ + ] Love240
[ - ] Love240 2 points 1.2 yearsFeb 24, 2024 12:13:10 ago (+2/-0)
You need something bigger than yourself to live for. God and family.
I don't have a family either, yet. But I've got God. And though none come with me, still Him will I follow.
God bless, stranger.
[ + ] Sector2
[ - ] Sector2 2 points 1.2 yearsFeb 24, 2024 11:56:28 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] con77
[ - ] con77 2 points 1.2 yearsFeb 24, 2024 12:06:31 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 2857767 0 points 1.2 yearsFeb 24, 2024 19:15:56 ago (+0/-0)
But make sure you are doing SOMETHING.
I TMthink it's the natural state for many men to live independently.
But get outside.
Do something.
Life doesn't last forever.
By the way do you form attachments with animals?
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 3657380 0 points 1.2 yearsFeb 24, 2024 15:53:34 ago (+0/-0)
Now we've got a mass of fucked up people who are nailed to their own pasts and drag their childhoods around in their heads like prison boxes they live in.
If a good childhood is what you need to be happy and not a serial killer full of resentment, then everyone in history was a serial killer.
You can't tell someone their religious believing is wrong because they don't and won't ever believe you. You have to raise their kids to believe it's wrong.
If all the world tells you that your childhood is irrelevant, you don't and won't believe it. You need something to put your believing in instead to take the place.
Christians call Jesus their God and their Father. They honour their parents, which doesn't mean they worship or agree with them. It just means they don't pick over their mistakes. They did what they were capable of doing. All they really have to do is try to keep you alive until you are an adult. Forgiving them for being less than you want them to have been is where you start as reborn. Starting new as an autonomous and free individual, free to make whichever decision are best for you on this day and every day.
All you need to get that better parent is to read one book of the Holy Gospel. Matther, Mark, Luke or John. You accept it, or reject it. It's completely up to you.
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 3964983 0 points 1.2 yearsFeb 24, 2024 14:35:28 ago (+0/-0)
I know I want a normal life mentally but I've lost every single desire to try
I live entirely inside my own imagination
oh so very familiar
[ + ] s23erdctfvyg
[ - ] s23erdctfvyg 0 points 1.2 yearsFeb 24, 2024 13:44:06 ago (+0/-0)
Anyways, you try something new which is stressful, whether it works out or not, the end result is largely the same. You take a couple days to decompress and catch your breath, and then you do it again.
Sure it working out makes things easier, but everyone I've known like you still takes a couple days to catch their breath after they do something like you were trying to do.
You do this over a long enough period of time, and it gets easier and easier.
Think of it like exercise, every time you do this, you're going for a run.
The first few times it sucks, you can't get very far, and you feel like shit.
After a while however it gets better, you can go further, you don't get as exhausted when you do stop, and you feel better about yourself and your situation which enables you to do more.
You'll never like being around large volumes of people, and since your are here, you'll never like being around those that aren't your kin. However, you'll be able to handle it, and able to actually pursue your goals.
Take baby steps, once you get comfortable talking to people on here, try "meeting" people on your terms. Look into clubs and groups that you're interested in, who have dirt cheap membership, and operate on volunteer work to get things done, so nothing will be expected of you. That way if you want to take a break you can and no one will be upset as they weren't expecting anything from you.
[ + ]anon
[ - ] anon 3053297 0 points 1.2 yearsFeb 24, 2024 12:17:14 ago (+0/-0)
- Everything will pass.
-Everything will be ok
-You have people that love you
-You can do it
-We believe in you
[ + ] 2Drunk
[ - ] 2Drunk 0 points 1.2 yearsFeb 24, 2024 11:38:38 ago (+0/-0)