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I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone in real life, even here until my husband told me I need to talk to someone. I might burn this account after IDK.

My husband is an alcoholic, and he was before we married. By the time I was proper red pilled I was running out of eggs and the baby rabies was my priority so I married the man I was dating without too much thought.

I thought we could move out of party mode and into family mode. I did, with just an occasional relapse into weed and/or tobacco smoking.

He had some relatively dry periods but just drank more at home then out, but out drinking got worse. I didn't want to be the nagging wife saying 'don't go out with the boys' so I never objected.

Almost always he lost something while out. Left his phone or keys or wallet at a bar or in a cab or something like that.

Saturday night he went out after work to a friend's house. He came belligerently drunk, falling over and slurring speech (! Remember this for later). He smashed through the child gate into the kitchen, taking it off.

I came out after a few minutes of him thrashing around the house. He is upset his phone is missing. I call his phone a few times and eventually the uber driver picks up, says he will return it tomorrow. My husband says he needs it tonight, uber guy says okay but is on another job, says he will bring it back as soon as he can but doesn't know when.

I don't have any cash so I have to borrow $20 from the 6 year old's wallet to thank the driver for coming back.

Husband continues to be angry/sad belligerently drunk. Has lost his glasses. Did you call my phone? When is the uber guy coming back? Tell him to come back now. Did you call my phone.

I answer a question and he repeats it a minute later.

I try to log in on the computer to find my iPhone but he has no idea of his password and is shouting insults at my followed by his birth year as suggestions. Password recovery via email is bullshit with Apple and they say it will take days if I do that.

Computer remembers his bank details so I log on there and lock his cards (!).

Had to charge my phone so it was in the bedroom and I didn't hear the uber guy ring but it was only 5 minutes ago (now its like 1:30am), call him back he's outside only he's not so I have to go walking down the street in my pajamas looking for him. Find him get the phone, thank him, give him $20 and search for my husband's glasses in uber, they're not there. Uber driver comments on how drunk my husband was.

As I'm coming up on our house I see my husband in the street and the front door was left wide open with our kids inside. He is not grateful for me getting his phone back and is just as wild about his glasses now. Throws the expensive Mamaroo baby rocker across the room and breaks it. I go to the bedroom and he grabs but I shake him off and manage to bar the door closed. He had been screaming at me, woke the 4 month old baby and still screamed at me while I was holding him. He keeps trying to come in for a while and then leaves and comes back several times looking for his glasses. Around 3am it's quiet so I go to bed and try to sleep. Don't know if I did or not. Let also not forget the baby who used to sleep all through the night is having the 4 month sleep regression and bearly sleeps at all just breastfeed almost all the night.

Sunday morning while cleaning up I find his glasses. He is still belligerently and ungrateful, now saying I should have done everything possible to stop him leaving/drinking because he went out and spent a bunch of money at "a bar". I try to pour out his cask wine and its oh no that wines not the problem. When he eventually passes out I look at his phone banking to see how much he spent at 4am because he didn't seem to be gone long. There were a few $10-20 purchases and more users and also a $1100 transfer. When looking up the name at first nothing came up but eventually I traced it to a brothel. I pack some bags and the kids and as we're getting in the car he wakes up and begs me to stay. We are really poor and have been scraping money together for groceries and the kids swimming lessons and have been putting off things like the car service.
I even started a work from home job where I had to listen to the kids cry for me for 4 hours while I made telephone calls.

I didn't even know it was a brothel at that stage but suspected it was something dodgy because how can you spend $1100 in a couple of hours on drinks and what bar accepts bank transfer? He says he was buying drinks for everybody and was going to hang himself.

So he hated me and his children that much that he wanted to die. And he hated us more then that because instead of leaving us our last $1000 he spent it on strangers. Instead of having the decency of making it look like am accident so the kids didn't know how much he hated them he wanted to hang himself and make it obvious. Instead of drunk driving into a lake and giving us some insurance money he wanted it to be an obvious suicide so we wouldn't get any life insurance money.

Every action he did says he doesn't love me or the kids. Fine I got fat and the house isn't always clean and I'm shit cook. Hate me. But why hate our beautiful children so much?

Oh and so I find out it's a brothel and he's now saying it's a strip club and he got lap dances as well as buying everyone drinks.

And these fucking kikes at the bank who hold every new payment for car repairers or swim schools or whatever actual legitimate businesses for 48 hours to check I'm not being scammed I bet those absolute kikes put that money through to the brothel straight away and we will never see that again.

I took the kids to McDonald's for a few hours and then we went to my grandmothers empty farmhouse buteverything was covered in mouse poo so when he begged me to come home I did.

He's begging for forgiveness but I don't know what to do. I want to throw up. I feel so sick that he's admitted to lap dances and even more sick that he's probably lying as it was a fucking BROTHEL not a strip club.