Sign into an existing account

Just want to post somewhere I'm drunk AF and somewhat depressed. If you REALLY want to shit on me about health, getting better, and all the fuck read my post history. I have major issues I'm not going to re-hash.

This is just me being sorry for myself, a bit low and sad, and just want to type something into the ether.

I play on social media with people for fun. I'm a mix of fucked up personalities overall, but generally SFW on FB and insta for family and really close friends just to keep in touch and fun. I KNOW that all shit is toxic, but it's a way to interact with them as a social hermit, and gets some chuckles with cute kitten gifs and such.

Twitter I do go hard, and with some of my RT's of HT and things I'm surprised I haven't gotten banned. I get about 3-4 emails a day my post has been limited views.

All that said I am a severely depressed person. I'm NOT asking for you all to give advice, or DO THIS, DO THAT. I just want to dump and be honest. I haven't touched a woman sexually since 2012. I asked a woman out in 2020, and on the date stumbled out the phrase
"I haven't been on a date since 2012" while it was going great, and she immediately corrected me that "this isn't a date". Like Soul crushing. "I like you as a friend" and all that.

Terrified of speaking to and interacting with women. I'm afraid of being accused of a sexual predator if I say the wrong thing. My state sent a 19 year old to prison and a sex offender for the rest of his life just for dating a 17 year old. I'm scared if I make an offending joke in public the police may show up and arrest me for assault. I find a woman attractive, I don't know what the F to do or say. I never learned how to "flirt" and have never successfully asked a woman on a date in the social world. Yeah I tried a bunch back in the 90's but failed 110% of the time.

Now I'm a lonely hermit, have no future, and am sad most nights. I can occasionally feign happiness and post "funnies" on socials because that is the ONLY interaction I have with people. Most of the women I DO interact with there are the wives of friends. They all say I'm funny, and all that BS. Otherwise I don't know where to even do interact with a woman my age.

Even then, What are your hobbies? Building guns, and amateur gunsmith. Political discourse and reading more about the jews destroying civilization. Maintaining my own home, and being self-sustainable as I can. Drinking amounts of alcohol that would make most people die just to make my mind go numb when I finally lay down in my lonely bed to sleep for 1-2 hours then get up to pee, then re-arrange the blankets because I'm too hot or too cold, and shift form side to side because my sinus isn't breathing well on the left or the right that particular night.

There isn't a single chance if I even found some Jabba the hut woman willing to accept my health and body acceptable to even fornicate with she would put up with my sleeping. At 51 years old I can count on my hands the number of times I have actually spent the night in bed overnight.

Well I'm a fucked piece of mess. Reply with "get active and work out" "make yourself better" and that shit, go FUCK yourself. I have Stills Disease, and it's fucks with my body, and I can't just "make it all better with exercise". Sometimes life genetics gives you a shit hand, and earlier life gives you a giant middle finger to make your emotions fucked.