Hey goats. I hit my absolutely cracking point the other day. I was planning inpatient rehab for alcoholism and figured one last bender would be fine.
One of my favorite cats Momma Chonk died suddenly and I found her under the couch. It absolutely crushed the last of what I had left.
Doubled up from a 1/5 to a handle of vodka every other day mixed in with hard seltzers at .5%. At least a 12 pack a day. I was vomiting so hard I could taste blood in the morning. Needing drinks in the morning to get going. Five beers in, I'm game. A shot and and two beers definitely.
This all came to a head this week. Why yall if you recognize my name haven't seen me. I went really hard. Too hard. I got up the next day. Vomited. Had about five beers and went out with my dad. The last two days I was light headed, hadn't ate, no water, heart pounding, chest tightening and cold sweats. We were in a parking lot and I stopped and said I have to go to hospital. I ended up having a full blown withdrawal seizure in the waiting room even though i had nearly a six pack already. Terrifying. The doctors patched me up.
I'm now detoxed but I have to stay sober. That was closest I think I've came to dying.
I used to be that bad... a fifth of whiskey a day, every day for 3-4 days, then I'd break for a day or two, consuming beer during that time. I don't know how I survived it, considering it went on for at least six months continuous. It was a terrible time in my life, as I had lost my job and my fiancé at the same time, and I was forced to watch my mom slowly die from ovarian cancer. I was actually hoping that my abuse was going to kill me but it didn't. Perhaps God intervened and saved me from myself, I'll never really know. Stay strong bro. Don't let the demon brew back into your life. And if you need support or encouragement at any time, don't hesitate to ask. God bless you, brother.
I know what ya mean bro. Be me, 18, family just got done being homeless. Mom gets colon cancer while my Paps has to travel to sell so we can have a house and medicine. I watched the toughest woman I know get beat by a few cells and dollars and ill never forget it. Marked me for good. Meaning if you can get through there's good things but I push a lot of people away. That's my problem.
Stay on course. I'll tell you what I tell the worst meth/pill heads I know(not comparing you to them): Just don't do it. You literally have to get it and then use it. Stop it. Don't do the thing. I've watched many of my friends and some family members die from it. I was drinking hard back in the day. I just stopped and never looked back and am better for it or I'd probably be dead too. Best of luck to ya.
It breaks my heart to know that any white person is drinking this hard. Ive known a few this bad— never got close to this level myself. But being on Voat helped me quit and Im so glad. I got rid of all the addictive drugs in my life and I feel really good and healthy these days. We’ve had a lot of posts about quitting drinking lately. Just make a post if you are feeling weak and need some motivation. Lots of ex alkies to give you a pep talk. Sorry about your kitty.
Thanks man. It's the serious I've ever been. I'll tell ya a quick story about the ER.
I'm sitting next to my dad, 77 yes old. Next to an older southern belle, in her 70s, with her poor mother in a wheelchair. I feel terrible for her mom as she's doubled over obviously in pain. Her daughter starts going on about Trump. Says if we just hung a few at the border they would stay away. I told her pikes would be better. She laughed. Her mom was there because she's so diseased that to fight the diseases she needs to take pills that fuck her up.
My panic starts rising. I'm stuck there. Hear coughing everywhere. Some idiot guard put the motion detective door on. While he's standing next to it. So every half second the door goes. Some other door bangs open and some orderly yells. Old lady is quietly weeping due to pain. My panic goes off the chart.
I was in the hospital for five days with pancreatitis about 12-13 years ago. Most pain I’ve ever been in. The iv Dilaudid was wonderful. I stopped drinking hard alcohol to excess after that.
I very much like that you are sober. I also like that you have suffered.
Keep the party going. Drugs give us dopamine. But you know what else stimulates the reward systems of our brains? Good honest hard work with fruitful rewards.
As you have proven to be a diligent chaser of dopamine, then I have no doubt you will pursue great things if given the right opportunities and guidance. Imagine finding lucrative work that you’d be happy to grind away on while distracting yourself from drugs. Eventually a time will come where you were so busy building a great life for yourself, you’ll realize you hadn’t even thought about drinking in a long time.
Have you ever thought about returning to school or starting a business?
[ - ] __47__ [op] 1 point 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 20:44:45 ago (+1/-0)*
I had it. A car accident and alcohol gave it away.
I'm working with a buddy longterm on something similar.
Needless to say if you need a price on a book, cd, record, toy, video game, console, accessory, computer parts I can figure it out and sell it.
Oh and running server maintenance, new pos installs, cc processing services, tcr machines, managing nearly 30 employees because the management doesn't give a fuck but I pulled the old companies fat out of the fire. Fucking company wouldn't even if exist if I didn't move a few chess pieces. I can go into millions to be made in second hand sales elsewhere but I've been doing it since 2009
So it sounds like you’re technicallly adept and have great opportunities ahead of you if you keep at it.
How’s the family? From what I’ve seen, it’s loneliness that will make a man suicidal. I grew up with a very large family and realized the depression I experienced toward the end of high school was from being so far from family.
Heck, I’d trade half my income to go back to having a large family. But guess I’ll need to start making a new family with my wife.
Extended family is a mess. Either dead from farm accidents or liberals. My sister is a lesbian with an invitro kid. I have two family members but it's growing. I "make" them accept me. Meaning they may on paper.
I tried making making my family some of my friends. One turned into a turbo fag security card. One had a whore run off all with all his money. No problem but don't cast judgment on me. The first time I met your girl she huffed my computer duster while we were in another room.
[ - ] Trope 1 point 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 22:42:43 ago (+1/-0)
Do me a favor and start your mornings with a cup of clean water and a half tsp of unrefined salt mixed in. That alcohol taxes the body something fierce. The electrolytes will take good care of you.
Every cell in the body has a sodium ion channel. Salt literally increases metabolism. Your body needs to heal.
I lost a good buddy a few years back, he was basically my older brother growing up. His habit was probably even worse than yours. He got booted out of his house (was living at home in his mothers house), so was staying in his car out behind the place. His mother got a no-tresspass and would call the cops when he tried to park there, so he proceeded to burn every friend-bridge he had after that, people would let him stay on the couch for a day or two, but then had to give him the boot because he would become a sloppy mess or have a medical episode requiring emergency services. He died alone, with no one around and homeless. Iv'e seen so many people that were ruined by alcohol (my mother being one of them, I took care of her for the last decade of her life and I never took the booze away, because at that point it was all she had left). I was nightly / habitual drinker- usually 4 beers and a glass of wine, along with a benzo to get to sleep because of insomnia. Did that for 25 years +. have not had a drink in a few months, and I will tell you that I have never slept better. Sleep has been the most healing and important thing for me.. Peace and stay sober, my man.
Find a video game to play for like 6 months, plus food and fitness. Interaction with people, especially with people you know, might not help you collect days as much as you would like.
Wait…how did you detox sober in just one day? I thought when your alcoholism was that bad, it takes like 3 or 4 months to detox. Did you have the shakes and shit? It sounds like you did.
[ - ] __47__ [op] 1 point 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 23:05:42 ago (+1/-0)*
It can. I didn't get that chance. I wouldn't likely be talking with you if I went cold turkey. There are medications that mimic it and help you withdraw easier.
Edit. If you're talking about rewiring your brain structure not to use it is about 3 months
Stay strong brother. Find people to help support you, and that you can turn to when you’re feeling that temptation creeping up like a nigger in the night.
That's one of the things that sucks. A lot of my friends bounced. One of them I helped through their sister dying of a tooth aneurysm. He said he didn't understand my problem. I said I just need someone to talk to.
That’s tough, for sure. Finding people who can understand your struggle is important. I was just talking to a buddy last night that I had help prepare for Ranger school. He opened up about some of the struggles he was having and how no one knows what it’s like to do what he had to do in the military. He said he felt emasculated because as a man he’s supposed to be strong and handle this on his own. I’ll give you the same advice: A strong man knows when he can’t handle it on his own. There’s no shame in asking for help. God doesn’t give us a struggle that’s too much for us, without giving us the tools to handle it. It may not make sense to us at the time, but we’re never alone. I was sliding into a dark place again and my cousin had sent me a link to a Greek Orthodox priest who has a podcast reading and explaining the Bible. I started at his first episode which was St. Luke. It literally changed my life. I’m Roman Catholic, but the wife and I have been going to the Greek Orthodox Church for a couple of weeks, and I can feel myself change for the better. But don’t think you have to handle this on your own. Willing to accept you’ve got a problem is the first step in a long journey to healing. If you’re interested, I can send you the link to that podcast.
[ - ] __47__ [op] 1 point 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 20:41:22 ago (+1/-0)
Sounds good. I appreciate you telling me.
What I'm getting at is much simpler. Like "hey man how the cats doing?" "What ya been watching?" Just human interaction when I've worked with the fuck for 5 years or more. I don't expect him to fix my problems but being someone that I can just talk to instead of myself is a good thing. I'd rather not talk about alcohol. I'd rather talk about the latest 4K scans of Terminator.
God has plans for you, otherwise you would be dead. Look to heaven, because hell isn't where you are destined to go. Prayers for you, and your family. God bless.
[ - ] __47__ [op] 1 point 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 19:06:56 ago (+1/-0)
Thanks. I can't explain it. While I was seizing I saw flashes of things in my memory. I'm not trying to melodramatic but I'd feel like i was slipping and I'd jerk and come back to.
There are a couple of drunkards on here so I don't quite remember which one you are. Are you the guy that got in a car accident and lost his license?
In any case, the worst part of addiction is that when you stop drinking or indulging into whatever, you sober up and realize life sucks hard. The work/reward ratio is seriously fucked up because of how easy it is to feel good doing bad things. Should have never started doing them in the first place.
The only way I see this working out for you is to live the rest of your life in a daily struggle to fight off the urge to drink. Whatever is required for you to believe to pull that off, truth or lie.
[ + ] Sunman_Omega
[ - ] Sunman_Omega 8 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 21:06:18 ago (+8/-0)
[ + ] __47__
[ - ] __47__ [op] 6 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 21:13:33 ago (+6/-0)
Thank you so much for your thoughts.
[ + ] HonkyMcNiggerSpic
[ - ] HonkyMcNiggerSpic 1 point 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 23:42:31 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] HonkyMcNiggerSpic
[ - ] HonkyMcNiggerSpic 5 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 23:41:32 ago (+5/-0)
[ + ] SirNiggsalot
[ - ] SirNiggsalot 4 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 21:20:41 ago (+4/-0)
[ + ] __47__
[ - ] __47__ [op] 1 point 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 21:23:47 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] texasblood
[ - ] texasblood 4 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 19:42:29 ago (+4/-0)
[ + ] __47__
[ - ] __47__ [op] 1 point 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 19:43:36 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] White_Pride_Cis
[ - ] White_Pride_Cis 5 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 20:04:55 ago (+6/-1)
[ + ] __47__
[ - ] __47__ [op] 2 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 20:17:59 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] PostWallHelena
[ - ] PostWallHelena 3 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 23:36:48 ago (+3/-0)
[ + ] TheOriginal1Icemonkey
[ - ] TheOriginal1Icemonkey 3 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 22:04:16 ago (+3/-0)
I hope you get better.
That was as bad, maybe worse than you think.
Praying for you.✌️
[ + ] __47__
[ - ] __47__ [op] 2 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 22:16:40 ago (+2/-0)
I'm sitting next to my dad, 77 yes old. Next to an older southern belle, in her 70s, with her poor mother in a wheelchair. I feel terrible for her mom as she's doubled over obviously in pain. Her daughter starts going on about Trump. Says if we just hung a few at the border they would stay away. I told her pikes would be better. She laughed. Her mom was there because she's so diseased that to fight the diseases she needs to take pills that fuck her up.
My panic starts rising. I'm stuck there. Hear coughing everywhere. Some idiot guard put the motion detective door on. While he's standing next to it. So every half second the door goes. Some other door bangs open and some orderly yells. Old lady is quietly weeping due to pain. My panic goes off the chart.
[ + ] TheOriginal1Icemonkey
[ - ] TheOriginal1Icemonkey 0 points 5 monthsNov 24, 2024 00:09:19 ago (+0/-0)
I stopped drinking hard alcohol to excess after that.
[ + ] Trope
[ - ] Trope 3 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 20:32:38 ago (+3/-0)
I very much like that you are sober. I also like that you have suffered.
Keep the party going. Drugs give us dopamine. But you know what else stimulates the reward systems of our brains? Good honest hard work with fruitful rewards.
As you have proven to be a diligent chaser of dopamine, then I have no doubt you will pursue great things if given the right opportunities and guidance. Imagine finding lucrative work that you’d be happy to grind away on while distracting yourself from drugs. Eventually a time will come where you were so busy building a great life for yourself, you’ll realize you hadn’t even thought about drinking in a long time.
Have you ever thought about returning to school or starting a business?
[ + ] __47__
[ - ] __47__ [op] 1 point 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 20:44:45 ago (+1/-0)*
I'm working with a buddy longterm on something similar.
Needless to say if you need a price on a book, cd, record, toy, video game, console, accessory, computer parts I can figure it out and sell it.
Oh and running server maintenance, new pos installs, cc processing services, tcr machines, managing nearly 30 employees because the management doesn't give a fuck but I pulled the old companies fat out of the fire. Fucking company wouldn't even if exist if I didn't move a few chess pieces. I can go into millions to be made in second hand sales elsewhere but I've been doing it since 2009
[ + ] Trope
[ - ] Trope 2 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 21:41:18 ago (+2/-0)
How’s the family? From what I’ve seen, it’s loneliness that will make a man suicidal. I grew up with a very large family and realized the depression I experienced toward the end of high school was from being so far from family.
Heck, I’d trade half my income to go back to having a large family. But guess I’ll need to start making a new family with my wife.
[ + ] __47__
[ - ] __47__ [op] 0 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 21:53:22 ago (+0/-0)
I tried making making my family some of my friends. One turned into a turbo fag security card. One had a whore run off all with all his money. No problem but don't cast judgment on me. The first time I met your girl she huffed my computer duster while we were in another room.
Get out there and make babies
[ + ] Trope
[ - ] Trope 1 point 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 22:42:43 ago (+1/-0)
Every cell in the body has a sodium ion channel. Salt literally increases metabolism. Your body needs to heal.
[ + ] __47__
[ - ] __47__ [op] 1 point 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 23:01:20 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] clymer
[ - ] clymer 2 points 5 monthsNov 24, 2024 06:10:15 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] Ducktalesooo000ooo
[ - ] Ducktalesooo000ooo 3 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 19:14:01 ago (+3/-0)
Cats are ok.
[ + ] __47__
[ - ] __47__ [op] 1 point 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 19:19:23 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] Ducktalesooo000ooo
[ - ] Ducktalesooo000ooo 1 point 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 19:27:31 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] __47__
[ - ] __47__ [op] 0 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 19:28:56 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] TheBigGuyFromQueens
[ - ] TheBigGuyFromQueens 2 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 22:22:12 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] __47__
[ - ] __47__ [op] 1 point 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 22:57:47 ago (+1/-0)
Takes about 3 months for your brain to rewire connections after sobering up.
[ + ] TheBigGuyFromQueens
[ - ] TheBigGuyFromQueens 1 point 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 23:03:02 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] __47__
[ - ] __47__ [op] 1 point 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 23:05:42 ago (+1/-0)*
Edit. If you're talking about rewiring your brain structure not to use it is about 3 months
[ + ] dassar
[ - ] dassar 2 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 21:57:54 ago (+2/-0)
Peace and blessings.
No one cares about your own health, wellbeing and welfare more than yourself.
[ + ] White_Pride_Cis
[ - ] White_Pride_Cis 2 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 19:33:19 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] __47__
[ - ] __47__ [op] 2 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 19:45:34 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] White_Pride_Cis
[ - ] White_Pride_Cis 2 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 19:58:06 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] __47__
[ - ] __47__ [op] 1 point 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 20:41:22 ago (+1/-0)
What I'm getting at is much simpler. Like "hey man how the cats doing?" "What ya been watching?" Just human interaction when I've worked with the fuck for 5 years or more. I don't expect him to fix my problems but being someone that I can just talk to instead of myself is a good thing. I'd rather not talk about alcohol. I'd rather talk about the latest 4K scans of Terminator.
[ + ] AugustineOfHippo2
[ - ] AugustineOfHippo2 2 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 19:01:45 ago (+3/-1)
God bless.
[ + ] __47__
[ - ] __47__ [op] 1 point 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 19:06:56 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] namefagsrgay
[ - ] namefagsrgay 2 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 21:40:31 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] FuckShitJesus
[ - ] FuckShitJesus -2 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 22:47:11 ago (+1/-3)
[ + ] ProudRebel
[ - ] ProudRebel 1 point 5 monthsNov 24, 2024 06:07:14 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] Deplorablepoetry
[ - ] Deplorablepoetry 1 point 5 monthsNov 24, 2024 01:57:28 ago (+1/-0)
[ + ] ProudRebel
[ - ] ProudRebel 2 points 5 monthsNov 24, 2024 04:36:18 ago (+2/-0)
[ + ] Anus_Expander
[ - ] Anus_Expander 0 points 5 monthsNov 24, 2024 11:12:08 ago (+0/-0)
[ + ] hylo
[ - ] hylo 0 points 5 monthsNov 24, 2024 08:38:42 ago (+0/-0)
In any case, the worst part of addiction is that when you stop drinking or indulging into whatever, you sober up and realize life sucks hard. The work/reward ratio is seriously fucked up because of how easy it is to feel good doing bad things. Should have never started doing them in the first place.
The only way I see this working out for you is to live the rest of your life in a daily struggle to fight off the urge to drink. Whatever is required for you to believe to pull that off, truth or lie.
[ + ] UncleDoug
[ - ] UncleDoug 0 points 5 monthsNov 24, 2024 02:03:35 ago (+0/-0)
Why do you goats all have addictive personality malfunctions?
[ + ] clymer
[ - ] clymer 3 points 5 monthsNov 24, 2024 07:47:03 ago (+3/-0)
[ + ] registereduser
[ - ] registereduser -5 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 19:11:22 ago (+0/-5)
[ + ] dassar
[ - ] dassar 2 points 5 monthsNov 23, 2024 22:20:27 ago (+3/-1)