3:53 am oyveyoTomorrow, I could put on a tie and grab a clipboard and walk right into the park and survey hot women. But I don't want to.
3:54 am oyveyoBut it's a damn good icebreaker
3:55 am oyveyo"I'm taking a survey from beautiful women, and you're the most qualified I've seen. First question: Are you single?"
3:56 am oyveyoSecond Question: how do you feel about niggers?
4:04 am oyveyoThird question, do you enjoy mind-blowing leg-shaking slap-yo-mama multiple orgasms?
4:06 am oyveyoFourth Question: your place or mine?
4:08 am big_fat_dangusholy cringe
4:09 am oyveyoYou should use that on your tlolocast
4:10 am oyveyoTake a vidcam to the park
4:10 am oyveyoYour ratings would skyrocket
4:13 am oyveyoAND you'll be crushin em like a boss. Confidence is key.
4:14 am oyveyoThe single most important factor in shagging fit birds is owning them
4:16 am oyveyoDon't let them think. Take charge. They like that.
4:18 am oyveyoSHUT UP BITCH floods their basement
4:19 am oyveyoBut smile when you say it.
4:20 am oyveyoIt short-circuits their defenses
4:24 am oyveyoWomen love dickheads. Not pussies.
4:29 am oyveyoThis all applies to hit-it-and-quit it fuckbuddies. There's different guideline for relationships.
4:30 am oyveyoBuy my book; "Done With Hos" for relationship advice
4:32 am oyveyoAnd the sequel; "Fuck That Bitch"
4:36 am oyveyoIt won me a Pulitzer
4:38 am GrayDragonHow did Duke hack your account?
4:39 am oyveyo*grin*
4:40 am GrayDragonHow did I hack your account?!?
4:40 am oyveyoFirst rule of hack club
4:40 am GrayDragonYou tell everyone you succeeded.
4:40 am GrayDragonNext?
4:41 am oyveyoPunch somebody
4:41 am GrayDragonOkay, okay, good, good. I'm liking it.
4:43 am GrayDragonIf rule #3 isn't "put on my robe and wizard hat," I'm outta here.
4:44 am oyveyoIt is. And rule 4 is 75ff GTG GG by t TC ft TC fur GG berg utrrdtggyy44rrf
4:45 am GrayDragonEveryone knows rule #4.
Bridge of a ridiculously large flying ship. I'm with a team of experts who are evaluating the vessel which is unfamiliar to us. The labels on things are a mix of english and odd symbols.
This is very very highly advanced stuff, maybe alien hybrid tech or possibly from the future or alternate dimension. The people in charge have decided to remove my team for some reason (maybe they plan to take it apart).
We're not happy about this so I exit the bridge at the rear and I'm in a huge engineering space several stories tall and lit so dimly you can't make out much of anything. I'm on a ladder that goes all the way to the bottom and as I descend there is a vertical bank of controls next to the ladder that goes from the bridge down to the darkness below.
Each individual control has a few indicator lights (none are lit, the ship seems to be powered down), a readout display, and a horizontal rocker switch. Looking up or down all the switches line up in a row, top to bottom. There are ventilation ducts around the ship and as I pass one on the way down the ladder I feel the fresh air coming out and I pause to take it in. I notice one of those switches has a green light that is lit. Curious, I flip the switch next to it. The air stops coming out of the vent. This switch must control the environmental equipment where I am! I flip the switch again and the air returns. I get excited and start climbing back up to go report my finding.
At the top, near the door back into the bridge, there is a switch at the top of all the switches and it is labelled "on" and "test". It is in the middle position between the two options. I press the switch to "test" and all the green lights down the bank to the bottom twinkle to life, but nothing happens. I release the switch and all the panels go dark. I press it to "on".
Same as before, all the lights flicker back on but now the room lights come on. Things start beeping and humming. Vibrations begin building and growing into low smooth groan. I quickly get to the top of the ladder and go inside the bridge.
Everything is online and panels are glowing and displays are animated and... what? I look out the huge forward window and can see this ship is inching higher and higher. It's flying! Well, floating is more accurate.
Out of the window I can see a large city and I'm right in the middle of it, rising between buildings. I can also see several fighter jets zooming straight at me with guns blazing. Oh shit.
I look around for shield or weapons panels but nothing makes sense except on my left there is what looks like a fancy joystick with displays. Maybe I can outrun them!
I go over and put my right hand on the joystick and push forward. The ship pitches forward but does not accelerate. I pull back and the opposite happens. My left hand goes to some kind of roller control with a built-in screen. I roll it forward and the ship begins moving towards a building. Yikes!
I use the right stick to turn, but it's not quite enough and I graze the building, causing tremors throughout the ship. I think it took damage. I try to gain altitude but either the damage is causing problems or I'm running out of power. I seem to be generally losing altitude no matter what I try. I keep hitting buildings and alarms keep going off in the bridge. I crash into a statue that has scaffolding surrounding it. The ship stops, grounded and unflyable.
